Light Hearted Parenting

 

  Call me Mary Poppins or Cruella De Vil just not Ishmael.

  So I keep seeing as I make my posts the little blurb at top that my husband put about a "light hearted look on parenting approaches".  What the heck does that even mean?  You let loose?  Let the fun in?  Let the kids rule the roost?  Hahahahaha......  Less nagging and more laughing?

  So I did a Google search on how to be a light hearted parent and Huffington Post told me this....

  https://www.huffingtonpost.com/gretchen-rubin/ten-ways-to-be-a-more-lig_b_187095.html

  Ten Ways to Be a More Light Hearted Parent ~  giving us a list of the Ten Commandments of parenting a better way. 

  Kinda funny because Dr. Mercola pretty much says the same thing in his article....

  https://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/08/29/Tips-for-Being-a-More-LightHearted-Parent.aspx

  Here's their reaction to me making them helpless with laughter.....

  Here's their reaction to me singing....

Here's me getting enough sleep....

Here's me waking up before my kids....

Here's me saying no to all their instant gratification needs....

Here's me saying yes.... :D....

Me celebrating.....

Me repeating myself...

How I feel most days.....

Here's to more light hearted parenting. :D

~ She Said ~ 

28 years, 11 children, 2 grandchildren and I'm still trying to figure this parenting thing out

 

We married young, we were just shy of our 21st birthdays.  Young, naive and in-love.  We spent our first 7 months of marriage in a small one bedroom apartment with a kitchen the size of most women's closets! I remember spending that first week fixing the most wonderful meals I could think of to impress the man I loved:  Chicken Kiev, French Dip Sandwiches, Cashew Chicken just to name a few.  My all time favorite was dessert. I could make a spectacular homemade cheesecake that you could die for!  That was the beginning of a long love affair.  I was good in the kitchen!  My downfall was dishes.  I detested doing dishes.  Why did I have to clean up the mess when I made these wonderful meals?  Yep dishes....there wasn't a place to even hide them if I wanted to.

  The next 5 months took us into the end of our 1st year together.  We had already experienced what most newlyweds shouldn't have to endure, our first miscarriage.  Dealing with the loss of a little soul when you are still trying to figure out who you are with this other human being was almost too much to bear, but it brought us together in a very unique way.  We had this grief we both experienced, each differently in our own way but together.  It was a bond formed, both knowing that ultimately in the end, we would one day be reunited with the little soul that had come and left so suddenly.

  We celebrated our 1st anniversary with a little party and the remnant cake from our original wedding cake.  Beer, friends, music and laughter made for some great memories.  One celebration led to the next celebration of finding out I was once again pregnant, just shy of our 22nd birthdays.  What on earth were we, two young pups, going to do with another human being that would come into this world so needy and vulnerable?  I was the one feeling needy and vulnerable!  I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  Although at that point I probably would have told you different, I was young and naive and thought I knew it all.

   The next few years brought us 4 more children and an ectopic pregnancy.

   Parenting makes you a different person.  You have to give up a lot of the things you want or could do if you were single.  Your focus isn't self-centered anymore because now you have little eyes watching and mimicking what you do and say.  Sometimes that may even mean those little things you would be horrified if anyone knew you did or said them.

  Fast forward 211 birthday cakes, 32 + years of diapers and pullups, 112 tubes of toothpaste 10 times the number of toothbrushes your average family would purchase; and you come to the present.....

  You would think with all that experience I would be able to write a How to manual on parenting. Truth is, I wouldn't even begin to pretend I have it all figured out.  Each child brings with him/her different nuances and personalities, good and bad and as a parent you have to figure out how to deal with those little sinful, human beings and not lose your cool.  If you haven't noticed there aren't dozens of Mom of the Year Awards lining my fireplace mantle.  No first place ribbons, no shiny trophies to display and pride myself on because of my innate ability to be a fantastic mother.

   Nope, I have failed miserably more times than I can count.  I'm sure my older children could give you almost every detailed account of those miserable times that I would prefer to forget. The good thing is I can say that from quite a few of those experiences I have grown and learned from my mistakes and by the grace of God and His forgiveness I can go on and be a better mother than I was 25 years ago.

 I doubt I will ever have this thing figured out fully.

 That's okay that I don't have it all figured out either, that's not my job.

~ She Said

 

So . . . being a Dad.  What's that all about?

There are times when I don't want to be "Dad."  At times, I'd rather be "Father."  Has an old-school ring to it.  It conjures up of the paternal authority figure, aloof yet faithful.  "Father" provides for his family, "Father" ensures proper behavior from his children.  "Father" loves his children, but from a distance.  He takes pride in their accomplishments, as long as those accomplishments aren't too childish.  Children should be seen and not heard, after all.

I'd like to be "Father," except that I don't think that's quite the best tactic.  Maybe "Daddy" is better.  "Daddy" has tea parties with little girls.  "Daddy" kisses boo-boos and chases away spiders.  "Daddy" is a sweet-natured, lovey-wovey, slightly goofy kind of guy that would never, ever raise his voice, who always knows how to put a smile on little faces, who couldn't bring himself to any sort of discipline stronger than an indulgent frown.

But see, that's not really my style, either.  I know it's my own failure, but sometimes I get grumpy.  I like to play with the kids at times, other times I need to make sure they're toeing the line.  Sometimes indulgent, sometimes strict.  And when I'm in my best form, I strive to understand the why of disobedience and even allow for some disagreement and discussion.

I think I'm best at just plain "Dad."  A dad that tries to be good at what he needs, who tries to cover the spectrum from nurturing love to the guy who's always thinking not just about the behavior of a five-year-old, but what direction that behavior and mind is going to need to take to be a solid and respectable 25-year-old . . . or even a respectable and solid 65-year-old.

That goal of "Dad," though, that's something I miss.  Perhaps too often.  Maybe it's too tall of an order, or maybe it's just that large of a responsibility that the likes of a sinful man like me can't always attain to perfection at it.  But I believe whole-heartedly that's also a significant part of being "Dad": to confess to my children when I've done it wrong and being willing to ask for their forgiveness.  That's something that "Father" would never do, and something that might never occur to "Daddy."

But I'm not just "Dad," I'm a Christian dad.  And no less than Martin Luther his own self once said, "The entire Christian life is one of repentance."  Repentance demonstrates a significant truth, that none of us is perfect, and that we trust in the mercy and grace of the only One who is perfect to forgive, cover, and heal when we inevitably step over the line.

And perhaps that's the best kind of dad to be:  the kind that shows his children through his life of repentance that he is trusting Christ to cover him, and that he is trusting Christ to cover his children throughout the whole of their lives, as well.  The kind of dad that lives in and by and through the mercy of Christ and invites his children to join him in the Christian life of repentance.


- He Said

On Being a Mom of Many

  Being a mom of many offers me the joy of  reflecting on the many different personalities in my home.  

  There's a few that come to mind, one involving two of our oldest boys who for quite a few years just didn't get along.  Z was older and N looked up to him as his hero, he wanted to be just like him and that meant in every single way.  If Z was wearing a certain shirt or pair of shoes N had to have that same thing.  Or if Z got such and such for his birthday than two months later N needed to have that very same thing for his birthday.  

  There wasn't a time that I recall when we were traveling and stopped at a drive thru restaurant, that N wouldn't order his food until Z had ordered his and once that happened after reading the entire menu 6 times N always ended up getting exactly what Z had ordered.  Thus making for a very grumpy Z. 

  I can gladly say 15 years later N has his own unique personality and does not vie for the attention of Z any longer.  He can order his own meal and be pleased with the choice.  

  Our daughter M loves to sing, she will sing her heart out and sing as loud as she can.  She has the gift of song.  There are certain individuals in our home that cannot stand to hear the made up songs she loves to bellow out and will do everything in their willpower to make her stop.  Oftentimes sending her into a bucket overflowing with tears.  This is part of the joys of the middle years rubbing against the sought after teen years!  Ha!  If they only knew!  

  So, M as mentioned above is in that middle-years- area that as a parent you wonder as she awakens, what will today bring?  Will she burst into tears today at the drop of a hat or will she be all sunshine and smiles?  On those mornings where she's melting in emotion every which way, I just want my sweet little girl back or for her body to just give in and begin that cycle of womanhood!!!  

  Reflections for today. 

 ~ She Said